Proud to be a Chelsea Scum

Chelsea thump Manchester United to retain title

Chelsea - 3 Manchester United - 0

Chelsea are named "Most-Despised Regime" in professional soccer!!Another crushing blow was dealt to the fragile psyche of Manchester United last night when the Chelsea team ruthlessly scored more goals than the Man U blokes.

Eye-witness accounts from stunned Man U fans tell of deliberately-inflated expectations being shattered entirely at the last minute. Some expressed dismay and an inability to cope with current events without the psychological crutch of a world championship soccer team.

The Man U Manager immediately held an emergency strategy session at the surprise conclusion of the game. Shortly thereafter, his staff released this statement: "People of the world, please understand that we, the Insidious Overlords of Soccer, are not without compassion. We listened to your pleas and the game was supposed to be fixed -- Man U should have won. The renegade actions of the Chelsea team are in no way endorsed by FIFA and they should now be considered to be acting as a rogue franchise."

Following the Chelsea win, the British premier Tony Blair announced in a press conference this morning that "this outrageous act of international terrorism" would not go unanswered, and that he is fully prepared to launch air-strikes and perhaps even commit ground-troops to topple the terrorist-team of Chelsea if they do not immediately turn over and let the other teams win. "We have already assembled a coalition force of U.S. Army Rangers.

If our demands are not met within three days, we will unleash these forces to ferret out the responsible parties and repeatedly body-check them. Then we shall imprison them indefinitely under the terms of the PATRIOT legislation.

Mwah ha ha ha ha! Mwah ha ha! Ha!"

Super Chelsea
And it's super Chelsea
Super Chelsea F.C.
We're by far the greatest team...
the world has ever seen(repeat)

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea (repeat)